(Shared with Fort Belvoir MOPS February 2024)
There are few things that encourage our hearts more than realizing we are not alone. Being able to tangibly see that there is someone else who has walked in my shoes. I am not the only one who has felt lonely. I am not the only person who has felt betrayed. The person beside me struggles to feel like she is enough as well. The list can go on and on. Moments and experiences that connect us and speak loader than words. This is the heart of encouragement. I can think of no stronger truth…no greater encouragement that needs repeating again and again than the one brought forth today. Friend, you are NOT alone! Sit with that… write it down… repeat it as often as it takes to span the distance between your head and your heart… believe it! You. Are. Not. Alone! That is the core of encouragement!
I do, however, want to honor the fact that I have been asked to share something with you. True confessions though… I am no expert. I am just a momma like you only a few years down the road. A military spouse that most of you would call “seasoned”… with all the good and bad “spices” of this life we live. I am a follower of Christ and that does guide my very being and my words. Ultimately, though I am a woman… just like you. A woman who often… if not daily needs encouragement. I think we all can relate. It is a core need of all humans. We want to be seen and so often need or long for encouragement to follow.
So what is encouragement?
The dictionary could definition read: to give support, confidence or hope. To hearten.
However I discovered what I feel is a better meaning a few year’s ago when our son, Jonathan, was trying out for the high school soccer team. (And just to prepare your hearts… nothing pulls at your momma heart quite like watching your “high school baby” put their heart into trying out for a sport and all the emotions that comes with that!!) As he fought through those hard, exhausting and often discouraging weeks, I prayed for him to be encouraged. It was then that I realized that the word was made of two parts.. the prefix “en” attached to the root word “courage”
En (To be brought about to a state of)
Courage ( the mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, difficulty, or uncertainty)
So basically, to encourage is to be brought about to a state of courage. For what ever reason, that resonates deeply with me and speaks directly to what my heart longs for when encouragement is needed.
I think, however, the best way to answer that question of “what is encouragement” is to think of a time when you have been encouraged.
For me, mine reaches back to the season of life many of you are currently walking out and it begins as my husband says all good stories begin: “So there I was… “ (I am more a fan of “once upon a time” but this tale is better fitted for his beginning.) “So there I was in Walmart with my three littles at 8pm on a school night while my husband was deployed…” (Can anybody relate or know where this is going???) We were in the middle of the health and beauty section when my 3 year old decided he was absolutely done and life required a complete and very loud emotional break down on the floor. And I’ll be honest… I wanted to fall on the floor and join him. I was done and had no idea how to turn this train wreck around. That was when a sweet women from our church walked up, put her hand on my shoulder, and in many ways lifted me from my emotional floor by telling me… “This is hard. I have been there. I’ll walk with you though this. I won’t let you feel sorry for yourself but I’ll help! You’re a good mommy who right now just needs to get everyone (self included) home.” The words my heart needed, in the moment I needed them to keep moving forward and do what had to be done… which, at that moment, meant getting out of Walmart!
Now it’s your turn. Think of a time when you were encouraged. Don’t overthink it. Let it be something sweet and simple.
Let’s take a quick poll. Was the encouragement you received was in the form of…
~ words?
~ an act of service?
~ a gesture or facial expression?
~ a form of empathy?
~ meeting a need?
~ tangible help?
I am certain I did not hit them all. Encouragement runs the gamut. It is broad and yet when we receive it, it is perfectly fitted to our heart and need in the moment. It is what we need…. when we need it… to “be brought about to a state of courage”.
Now, I want you to take a moment to think of the person who encouraged you or even someone who is a consistent encourager in your life. What qualified them to be an encourager? What set them apart?
I think that is where I want to land this morning. Because just as you have been encouraged…. You can encourage! I does not take a special skill or gifting. We are all qualified to be an encourager! The question is… Are we willing? I believe that we all have the ability to be encouragers if we are willing to take H.E.A.R.T…. heart! I know it is a little corny but I love a good list so bear with me as I share 5 quick characteristics of an encourager…
H ~ Hope
An encourager speaks or acts in a way that offers hope. An encourager cheers another along. I love the saying “be the light”. An encourager is a light in someone’s darkness. An encourager says to my doubt… I believe in you! You can do this! An encourager reminds us of who we are and why we can keep moving forward. It is as simple as our own child reminding us… “You are the very best
mommy for me” after an exceptionally hard parenting day. It’s that now adult son of few words, so ready to be his own man and fly the nest who writes the letter to say “I am who I am because of all you did to get me here. You loved me well.” It’s the seasoned spouse who reminds you that while marriage and parenting can be hard and messy… there is hope and then invites you into their life and story.
E ~ Empathy
Not only does an encourager offer hope but they also remind us that we are not alone. They tell us and show us that they understand. This hurts. This is hard. They get it!! My mother had open heart surgery before she was 50. The shock of needing it coupled with the actual surgery and recovery was deep, hard and long. She talked of the friends who came to visit, bring flowers, food, and cards to cheer. She shared honestly that the visit that meant the most was the friend who came to the hospital, walked in the door, and wept with her. It is often not about the fixing and the cheering. It is about the listening, the leaning in, and the hearing of another’s heart. It is feeling the feelings of another heart with them.
A ~ Authentic
An encourager is not someone who just spouts platitudes and feel good sayings. An encourager doesn’t have all the answers. An encourager does not need a platform or a degree to qualify them. A genuine encourager meets a person exactly where they are… exactly as the person they, the encourager, are. This is where your honest mess meets my honest mess. As an encourager, I am going to share from my heart, my life, and my own experience. I am going to share what I know not only in my head but also in my heart because I have lived it. I can encourage you because I myself have been encouraged and most of the time still yearn for encouragement. As an encourager, I let you see the real me and my words and actions flow from that. A few years ago I opened my sunroom to a sweet friend who just needed a place and space to talk and share her heart. It seemed pretty simple and enjoyable. A few months after she moved, I received a letter from her. The ink was smeared from what I guessed were tears as she shared the importance of that time to her. How she valued the time spent together while my sink was full of dishes and my coffee table strewn with journals, my Bible, books and lists of things I had yet to accomplish. She entered my mess and that messy, real space became a sacred place where encouragement was real and deep.
R ~ Ready & Willing
An encourager has a willing heart. At Bible Study last week the idea of being accessible was brought up in our study. I have been thinking a lot about that word as I have prepared for today. An encourager makes the effort to be accessible. Sometimes that accessibility takes planning and intentionality. Sometimes it is choosing in a moment to be accessible… available. It is responding to a text, answering the phone, stopping to talk to a neighbor on a walk, giving a hug when it is needed, or responding to the need in front of me. It is an intentional decision to stop, listen, empathize, and respond. Sometimes this takes courage, risk, and sacrifice. It is not always easy nor does it feel comfortable. Every time it takes a decision to see beyond ourselves and our own needs, schedule, plans or agenda. It requires that I intentionally keep my heart open.
T ~ Truth Seekers
A true encourager looks for the good, sees the potential and speaks what often the other person is unable to see or speak in the moment. It is not about simply stating “You will do great!”, “It will all be better soon!” or “Don’t worry! Be happy!” When life is hard, heavy and the list of discouragements blind us to all the beauty around us, true encouragement reminds a person in need of what is True, good, lovely, excellent…you get the idea. An encourager listens well, looks beyond any masks, and encourages in a way that is specific to the person in need. A way that speaks to their heart, their situation, their need. As an encourager, our hope should be to leave the person with a better ability to see the good, the positive, the hope, and the truth that they are not alone.
So there you have it… It just takes HEART. Something we all have! The question is are we willing to engage it? Are we willing to engage with those around us and share our hearts? Everyone needs to know… You are seen! I hear you! I hear your heart!
YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.
I want to end with a quick story that reminds us of both the power and simplicity of encouragement.
It had been a busy day in a restaurant with lots of people coming and going. At one point a guy came to the manager and handed her a card. He told her.. “This is for your staff” and with emotion in his voice he said, “I just wanted to make sure they knew”
The customer then turned and left as the manager tucked the card into her apron pocket.
Later she opened the card directed to the staff. It thanked them not for their service or the food but for their smiles.
The customer explained that he’d made the decision to take his life that day. But their gift of simple conversation, simple touch and simple smiles gave him the gift of hope.
Friends, there is power in encouragement… the power of hope and life. It is not complicated. It is sometimes as simple as a smile, a touch, a word. It is being a light when light seems hard to find. It is as simple as sharing your HEART!
Margaret Franklin 